Holiday Eating, Part 2

The holidays can bring about so much! Tricky family dynamics, isolation, aging family members, youthful family members, the potential absence of a bereaved loved one, the possible addition of an important loved one, traditions, “shoulds, ” relationships of all kinds.  They’re all here, harnessing the power to completely exhaust our mental, physical, and emotional stamina if we are not aware of the toll the holidays can take on us. But how do we know what that toll is? How do we prepare in a way that allows us to remain present and conscious of our pause? And how do we respond when things may not go exactly as planned? 

For many, we turn to food. Food is the ultimate connector. It connects us to each other, to our needs, and to ourselves. It, and our relationship with it, can communicate for us if we don’t have the words or are feeling unsafe to express ourselves. It can calm, pacify, provide companionship, decrease anxiety, befriend us, provide safety and comfort, offer unconditional acceptance, provide a social lubricant for uncomfortable conversations, etc. Food can meet us where we are at, and when we see food this way, it becomes a way of expressing our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It fills our needs, often times without any words at all. At a time of the year when food is almost everywhere you turn and emotions tend to run high, disordered eating can make an appearance. 

Those with disordered eating patterns find themselves here. In between worlds of safe and accepted self-expression and fear of judgmental relational interactions in some way creating or furthering past pain. This fine line is come by honestly, always touting a reason based on a lived experience. Those with disordered eating patterns approach this line daily. But how do you know when it begins to cross the line into a diagnosable eating disorder? That conversation must be carefully and sensitively navigated with a trusted health care provider, yet in the meantime, here is some food for thought. Pun intended. 

Eating disorders can manifest themselves in many ways, and each has its own unique set of symptoms, medical complications, and potentially fatal repercussions. They are very serious illnesses, and require medical, psychiatric, and therapeutic care in order to heal. Listed below are some questions to ask yourself if you are wondering where you may land amongst that fine line. 

-Do I find myself eating significantly large quantities of food in a short span of time? 

-Do I find myself eating alone or in secret? 

-Do I eat past the point of being full regularly?

-Can I tell when I am full?

-Do I find myself eating the majority of my daily intake after 4 pm? 

-Do I struggle with my self-esteem? Find myself struggling to say no? 

-Do I struggle to stop eating?

-Do I feel out of control when I eat, often followed by shame and guilt? 

-Do I feel numb  after eating a large amount? Like my problems have momentarily dissipated? 

If you can answer yes to these patterns of behavior occurring weekly for at least three months, you may wish to explore a binge eating pattern with a trusted health care provider for further assessment. 

-Do I think about my appearance and my body often? Does my opinion of my body impact the way I see myself and interact with others?

-Do I struggle to share my thoughts and feelings openly? 

-Do I find myself eating alone or in secret? 

-Do I eat past the point of being full regularly?

-Can I tell when I am full?

-Do I struggle with my self-esteem? Find myself struggling to say no?

-Do I struggle to stop eating? 

-Do I feel out of control when I eat, often followed by shame and guilt? 

-Do I feel numb after eating a large amount? Like my problems have momentarily dissipated? 

-Do I feel a need to compensate for the amount eaten after a binge to avoid weight gain by engaging in self-induced vomiting, laxative use, diuretic use, or overexercise? 

If you can answer yes to these patterns of behavior occurring weekly for at least three months, you may wish to explore a binge-purge eating pattern with a trusted health care provider for further assessment.

-Do I spend a lot of time reflecting on the appearance of my body? Does my opinion of my body impact the way I see myself and interact with others?

-Am I scared of gaining weight? 

-Have I recently lost a significant amount of weight? 

-Do I eat significantly less than others or not at all? 

-Do I spend a large portion of my time exercising? 

-Do others make comments on how much time I spend working out? 

-Do I feel that I take up too much space in the world, despite others telling me otherwise?

-Do I feel more in control of my life when I restrict my food intake?

-Do I feel badly about myself if I cannot do something perfectly?

-Is my hair thinning? Am I fatigued often? If I identify as female, has my menses been delayed or absent? 

If you can answer yes to these patterns of behavior occurring weekly for at least three months, you may wish to explore a restrictive eating pattern with a trusted health care provider for further assessment.

If you identify with any of the above patterns of behavior, but experience them less frequently than weekly, you may wish to explore a disordered eating pattern with a trusted health care provider. All patterns of disordered eating are destructive, complex, and very real, no matter which category you may identify with most. 

This holiday season, no matter where you find yourself, please know that you are not alone. Should you identify with any of these descriptions above, there is hope! Treatment is available, and our wholeness remains. Food is but a symptom of our emotional health. The more we can learn to speak the language of our own emotions, the less we will need food, or our relationship to it, to do it for us. Take heart, there is much healing to be had. May we all find spaces to visit our pauses throughout the season. You are oh so worth it.

About the Author:

Alisha Bashaw (she/her), MA, LPC, LAC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Addiction Counselor in the state of Colorado. She also serves as Khesed’s DNA Manager. Alisha has worked extensively in the treatment of eating disorders and addiction. She is passionate about helping people authentically live the lives they desire, holding space for mystery and wonder as each person's journey unfolds, and integrating mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health into a holistic wellness based-approach.

Holiday Eating, Part 1

We’ve all been there. You know the moment. That slight hesitation where your hand hovers atop whatever delicious holiday treat has suddenly appeared from, well, who actually knows where, before you pop it in your mouth. That split second where you realize you can’t remember the last meal you had that didn’t include a holiday goodie of some kind. That moment that brings the thoughts “I’ve already messed up today, I might as well have one more” followed closely by “I will start over again tomorrow.” Ahh, the holidays. The season of sugar and spice and all things nice, right? 

Perhaps? Or perhaps not. Perhaps the biggest gift the holidays bring is the vast array of emotions that swirl through each of our daily experiences. For some, joy and wonder fill their minds while for others sadness and heartache are more present. And for most, it is a mixture of all of the above and everything in between. For those who struggle with disordered eating, the holidays can bring an extra layer of difficult right alongside their Pumpkin Pie and Eggnog, cleverly disguised in all of that cheer.

Have you ever struggled with your eating patterns around the holidays? Have you fallen into the menacing thought loop of diet culture that perpetuates hanging your worth on what you put into your mouth and how hope lies in “starting again” tomorrow? If so, you are most definitely not alone. And, you definitely need not start anything over again tomorrow. Starting over implies that today is not enough. That today is somehow “wasted.” And you, friend, deserve more. Nothing has been wasted, nothing is lost, and in fact, the problem itself has nothing to do with food. 

For those who struggle with any sort of disordered eating pattern, I invite you to leave your current thought loops or plans regarding how to eat/not eat certain items for just a moment, and to meet me elsewhere. Somewhere less full of racing thoughts, to-dos, good foods and bad foods, future plans, overwhelming emotions, and judgements on, well, just about everything we think and say and do. Close your eyes for just a moment, and focus on what you can hear. Traffic? A ceiling fan? A family pet? Faint music? The voice of someone you love? Whatever it is, congratulations. You have successfully exited your thought loop for just a moment and entered “the pause.” 

Disordered eating can keep us in a surface-layer cycle of self-management thought loops based on following sets of self-created rules, negotiating actions based on our daily intake of calories, evaluating our self-worth based on our daily completion of tasks or set of arbitrary numbers,  and spiraling deeper and deeper into our shame stories should we land anywhere outside of perfection. Disordered eating can keep us busy, tired, and completely disconnected from our physical and emotional experiences. Especially around the holidays. So often food is used to express needs or feelings, and without space to explore either of those things, the thought loops continue. 

Perhaps the greatest gift we can give to ourselves this year is the gift of “the pause.” A pause that allows us a moment to clarify how we are feeling before engaging with others, before we engage with food. A pause that allows our full authenticity to be present, and our needs to be known. A pause that allows us to recognize our thought loops as we enter our days. 

With the pause comes awareness. It is not until we are outside of our patterned thought loops that we can begin to recognize their voices, their judgments and their attitudes from a slightly more distanced perspective. It is only then when we are able to see them for exactly what they are. Thoughts, not facts.

This holiday season, I invite you into a deeper experience. Into your emotions, into your body, and into your full experience. But mostly, into your pause. 

*Curious how certain patterns of disordered eating manifest themselves? Wondering about some warning signs of patterns of disordered eating, and what qualifies a pattern as “disordered?” Then stay tuned for next month’s continuation of this discussion with more specifics. Can’t wait a month? Call Khesed Wellness today to get connected with a therapist that can help. In the meantime, pause onward. 

About the Author:

Alisha Bashaw (she/her), MA, LPC, LAC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Addiction Counselor in the state of Colorado. She also serves as Khesed’s DNA Manager. Alisha has worked extensively in the treatment of eating disorders and addiction. She is passionate about helping people authentically live the lives they desire, holding space for mystery and wonder as each person's journey unfolds, and integrating mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health into a holistic wellness based-approach.

Stress and the Body

Have you ever noticed that your body aches, you’re more irritable than usual, or that you’re unusually tired? Maybe it’s a combination of all three. The “new” symptoms seem to be coming from nowhere, without any reason. You didn’t exert yourself particularly hard during your last workout, you’re getting a solid 6.5 hours of sleep, and work is going smoothly. So then, why are you experiencing them?

If you’re like me, you may recognize stress after your body is aware of it. If you’re like me, your body tries to warn you that you need to take care of yourself. If you’re like me, you push through it thinking that it’s nothing, until you’re forced to stop because your body refuses to go any further.

April is stress awareness month. Although I may know that I should be more mindful of my stress levels, I constantly find myself fighting the reality that I have a smaller capacity than I used to. For the past two years I have been battling an undiagnosed chronic illness that is accompanied with chronic fatigue and chronic pain. As such, I am more sensitive than ever to my new stress levels.

During my teens and early 20s, I thought I was invincible; I took on more projects and sleepless nights than was necessary. But now, nearly a decade later, I’m finding that my new limits and boundaries my body places on me, forces me to slow down. I can’t say that I have fully adjusted. Often times, I find myself running at the same pace I used to. But as a result, my body reminds me, with aches and pains, that I can’t sprint through life any longer.

The tension between sprinting and pausing in life is a real one I struggle with daily. I grapple with the reality that I need rest – I need physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and social rest. There doesn’t seem to be a sweet spot between the two extremes, at least not one that I have found yet. It’s a new challenge that takes time to discover, try, fail, and progress.

With the change of seasons, we often associate spring with new beginnings and new hope. Having a fresh start to try once again, I’m told to slow down, rest, and take care of my body. With the start of spring, I want to challenge myself with looking at stress differently. Stress, and my body’s reaction to it, is a good thing. It’s a physical reminder of the limitations I face. And that’s okay. I’m human. I am finite and this reality puts the value of life into perspective. Despite the challenges I face, there is still a chance at having hope. There is a chance of finding rest. There is a chance at being healthy and having a healthy relationship with stress.

I realize that you may not experience stress the same way I do. But how many times do you wake up during the week wishing you had a little more energy, a little more quiet time, or a little more rest? Battling stress and pursuing a healthy life does not have to be hard. I want to challenge myself and you with the idea that progress doesn’t always have to be drastic. No, progress also includes the small pauses and increases in awareness of self. Allowing grace in our lives for the reality that we are limited is one of the kindest postures we can have towards ourselves.

So, how can you pause today? What is your body telling you that it needs? What is your soul needing today? What’s one small adjustment to your schedule that would help you find rest? Let’s talk more about the practical steps after reflecting on our current state and stress practices. 

About the Author:

Alex Song, RP, Apprentice, is pursuing an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Denver Seminary. Alex is passionate about helping people become their most authentic and true selves. She loves helping people navigate their life pursuits, identity formation, and career aspirations. She feels honored to walk alongside clients as they share their story with her, inviting her into that sacred space. She desires her clients to live life purposefully and well through evaluating their physical, spiritual, mental, social, and emotional health. As clients navigate meaning making, she works with clients to equip them with the tools to live their best life. Alex desires to connect with the Asian population to help them advocate for their voices as they pursue what wellness looks like. Alex is a Colorado native and enjoys exploring new coffee spots, watching movies, and catching up with friends.