We’ve all been there. You know the moment. That slight hesitation where your hand hovers atop whatever delicious holiday treat has suddenly appeared from, well, who actually knows where, before you pop it in your mouth. That split second where you realize you can’t remember the last meal you had that didn’t include a holiday goodie of some kind. That moment that brings the thoughts “I’ve already messed up today, I might as well have one more” followed closely by “I will start over again tomorrow.” Ahh, the holidays. The season of sugar and spice and all things nice, right?
Perhaps? Or perhaps not. Perhaps the biggest gift the holidays bring is the vast array of emotions that swirl through each of our daily experiences. For some, joy and wonder fill their minds while for others sadness and heartache are more present. And for most, it is a mixture of all of the above and everything in between. For those who struggle with disordered eating, the holidays can bring an extra layer of difficult right alongside their Pumpkin Pie and Eggnog, cleverly disguised in all of that cheer.
Have you ever struggled with your eating patterns around the holidays? Have you fallen into the menacing thought loop of diet culture that perpetuates hanging your worth on what you put into your mouth and how hope lies in “starting again” tomorrow? If so, you are most definitely not alone. And, you definitely need not start anything over again tomorrow. Starting over implies that today is not enough. That today is somehow “wasted.” And you, friend, deserve more. Nothing has been wasted, nothing is lost, and in fact, the problem itself has nothing to do with food.
For those who struggle with any sort of disordered eating pattern, I invite you to leave your current thought loops or plans regarding how to eat/not eat certain items for just a moment, and to meet me elsewhere. Somewhere less full of racing thoughts, to-dos, good foods and bad foods, future plans, overwhelming emotions, and judgements on, well, just about everything we think and say and do. Close your eyes for just a moment, and focus on what you can hear. Traffic? A ceiling fan? A family pet? Faint music? The voice of someone you love? Whatever it is, congratulations. You have successfully exited your thought loop for just a moment and entered “the pause.”
Disordered eating can keep us in a surface-layer cycle of self-management thought loops based on following sets of self-created rules, negotiating actions based on our daily intake of calories, evaluating our self-worth based on our daily completion of tasks or set of arbitrary numbers, and spiraling deeper and deeper into our shame stories should we land anywhere outside of perfection. Disordered eating can keep us busy, tired, and completely disconnected from our physical and emotional experiences. Especially around the holidays. So often food is used to express needs or feelings, and without space to explore either of those things, the thought loops continue.
Perhaps the greatest gift we can give to ourselves this year is the gift of “the pause.” A pause that allows us a moment to clarify how we are feeling before engaging with others, before we engage with food. A pause that allows our full authenticity to be present, and our needs to be known. A pause that allows us to recognize our thought loops as we enter our days.
With the pause comes awareness. It is not until we are outside of our patterned thought loops that we can begin to recognize their voices, their judgments and their attitudes from a slightly more distanced perspective. It is only then when we are able to see them for exactly what they are. Thoughts, not facts.
This holiday season, I invite you into a deeper experience. Into your emotions, into your body, and into your full experience. But mostly, into your pause.
*Curious how certain patterns of disordered eating manifest themselves? Wondering about some warning signs of patterns of disordered eating, and what qualifies a pattern as “disordered?” Then stay tuned for next month’s continuation of this discussion with more specifics. Can’t wait a month? Call Khesed Wellness today to get connected with a therapist that can help. In the meantime, pause onward.
About the Author:
Alisha Bashaw (she/her), MA, LPC, LAC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Addiction Counselor in the state of Colorado. She also serves as Khesed’s DNA Manager. Alisha has worked extensively in the treatment of eating disorders and addiction. She is passionate about helping people authentically live the lives they desire, holding space for mystery and wonder as each person's journey unfolds, and integrating mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health into a holistic wellness based-approach.