The holidays can bring about so much! Tricky family dynamics, isolation, aging family members, youthful family members, the potential absence of a bereaved loved one, the possible addition of an important loved one, traditions, “shoulds, ” relationships of all kinds. They’re all here, harnessing the power to completely exhaust our mental, physical, and emotional stamina if we are not aware of the toll the holidays can take on us. But how do we know what that toll is? How do we prepare in a way that allows us to remain present and conscious of our pause? And how do we respond when things may not go exactly as planned?
For many, we turn to food. Food is the ultimate connector. It connects us to each other, to our needs, and to ourselves. It, and our relationship with it, can communicate for us if we don’t have the words or are feeling unsafe to express ourselves. It can calm, pacify, provide companionship, decrease anxiety, befriend us, provide safety and comfort, offer unconditional acceptance, provide a social lubricant for uncomfortable conversations, etc. Food can meet us where we are at, and when we see food this way, it becomes a way of expressing our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It fills our needs, often times without any words at all. At a time of the year when food is almost everywhere you turn and emotions tend to run high, disordered eating can make an appearance.
Those with disordered eating patterns find themselves here. In between worlds of safe and accepted self-expression and fear of judgmental relational interactions in some way creating or furthering past pain. This fine line is come by honestly, always touting a reason based on a lived experience. Those with disordered eating patterns approach this line daily. But how do you know when it begins to cross the line into a diagnosable eating disorder? That conversation must be carefully and sensitively navigated with a trusted health care provider, yet in the meantime, here is some food for thought. Pun intended.
Eating disorders can manifest themselves in many ways, and each has its own unique set of symptoms, medical complications, and potentially fatal repercussions. They are very serious illnesses, and require medical, psychiatric, and therapeutic care in order to heal. Listed below are some questions to ask yourself if you are wondering where you may land amongst that fine line.
-Do I find myself eating significantly large quantities of food in a short span of time?
-Do I find myself eating alone or in secret?
-Do I eat past the point of being full regularly?
-Can I tell when I am full?
-Do I find myself eating the majority of my daily intake after 4 pm?
-Do I struggle with my self-esteem? Find myself struggling to say no?
-Do I struggle to stop eating?
-Do I feel out of control when I eat, often followed by shame and guilt?
-Do I feel numb after eating a large amount? Like my problems have momentarily dissipated?
If you can answer yes to these patterns of behavior occurring weekly for at least three months, you may wish to explore a binge eating pattern with a trusted health care provider for further assessment.
-Do I think about my appearance and my body often? Does my opinion of my body impact the way I see myself and interact with others?
-Do I struggle to share my thoughts and feelings openly?
-Do I find myself eating alone or in secret?
-Do I eat past the point of being full regularly?
-Can I tell when I am full?
-Do I struggle with my self-esteem? Find myself struggling to say no?
-Do I struggle to stop eating?
-Do I feel out of control when I eat, often followed by shame and guilt?
-Do I feel numb after eating a large amount? Like my problems have momentarily dissipated?
-Do I feel a need to compensate for the amount eaten after a binge to avoid weight gain by engaging in self-induced vomiting, laxative use, diuretic use, or overexercise?
If you can answer yes to these patterns of behavior occurring weekly for at least three months, you may wish to explore a binge-purge eating pattern with a trusted health care provider for further assessment.
-Do I spend a lot of time reflecting on the appearance of my body? Does my opinion of my body impact the way I see myself and interact with others?
-Am I scared of gaining weight?
-Have I recently lost a significant amount of weight?
-Do I eat significantly less than others or not at all?
-Do I spend a large portion of my time exercising?
-Do others make comments on how much time I spend working out?
-Do I feel that I take up too much space in the world, despite others telling me otherwise?
-Do I feel more in control of my life when I restrict my food intake?
-Do I feel badly about myself if I cannot do something perfectly?
-Is my hair thinning? Am I fatigued often? If I identify as female, has my menses been delayed or absent?
If you can answer yes to these patterns of behavior occurring weekly for at least three months, you may wish to explore a restrictive eating pattern with a trusted health care provider for further assessment.
If you identify with any of the above patterns of behavior, but experience them less frequently than weekly, you may wish to explore a disordered eating pattern with a trusted health care provider. All patterns of disordered eating are destructive, complex, and very real, no matter which category you may identify with most.
This holiday season, no matter where you find yourself, please know that you are not alone. Should you identify with any of these descriptions above, there is hope! Treatment is available, and our wholeness remains. Food is but a symptom of our emotional health. The more we can learn to speak the language of our own emotions, the less we will need food, or our relationship to it, to do it for us. Take heart, there is much healing to be had. May we all find spaces to visit our pauses throughout the season. You are oh so worth it.
About the Author:
Alisha Bashaw (she/her), MA, LPC, LAC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Addiction Counselor in the state of Colorado. She also serves as Khesed’s DNA Manager. Alisha has worked extensively in the treatment of eating disorders and addiction. She is passionate about helping people authentically live the lives they desire, holding space for mystery and wonder as each person's journey unfolds, and integrating mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health into a holistic wellness based-approach.