Holiday Eating, Part 2

The holidays can bring about so much! Tricky family dynamics, isolation, aging family members, youthful family members, the potential absence of a bereaved loved one, the possible addition of an important loved one, traditions, “shoulds, ” relationships of all kinds.  They’re all here, harnessing the power to completely exhaust our mental, physical, and emotional stamina if we are not aware of the toll the holidays can take on us. But how do we know what that toll is? How do we prepare in a way that allows us to remain present and conscious of our pause? And how do we respond when things may not go exactly as planned? 

For many, we turn to food. Food is the ultimate connector. It connects us to each other, to our needs, and to ourselves. It, and our relationship with it, can communicate for us if we don’t have the words or are feeling unsafe to express ourselves. It can calm, pacify, provide companionship, decrease anxiety, befriend us, provide safety and comfort, offer unconditional acceptance, provide a social lubricant for uncomfortable conversations, etc. Food can meet us where we are at, and when we see food this way, it becomes a way of expressing our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It fills our needs, often times without any words at all. At a time of the year when food is almost everywhere you turn and emotions tend to run high, disordered eating can make an appearance. 

Those with disordered eating patterns find themselves here. In between worlds of safe and accepted self-expression and fear of judgmental relational interactions in some way creating or furthering past pain. This fine line is come by honestly, always touting a reason based on a lived experience. Those with disordered eating patterns approach this line daily. But how do you know when it begins to cross the line into a diagnosable eating disorder? That conversation must be carefully and sensitively navigated with a trusted health care provider, yet in the meantime, here is some food for thought. Pun intended. 

Eating disorders can manifest themselves in many ways, and each has its own unique set of symptoms, medical complications, and potentially fatal repercussions. They are very serious illnesses, and require medical, psychiatric, and therapeutic care in order to heal. Listed below are some questions to ask yourself if you are wondering where you may land amongst that fine line. 

-Do I find myself eating significantly large quantities of food in a short span of time? 

-Do I find myself eating alone or in secret? 

-Do I eat past the point of being full regularly?

-Can I tell when I am full?

-Do I find myself eating the majority of my daily intake after 4 pm? 

-Do I struggle with my self-esteem? Find myself struggling to say no? 

-Do I struggle to stop eating?

-Do I feel out of control when I eat, often followed by shame and guilt? 

-Do I feel numb  after eating a large amount? Like my problems have momentarily dissipated? 

If you can answer yes to these patterns of behavior occurring weekly for at least three months, you may wish to explore a binge eating pattern with a trusted health care provider for further assessment. 

-Do I think about my appearance and my body often? Does my opinion of my body impact the way I see myself and interact with others?

-Do I struggle to share my thoughts and feelings openly? 

-Do I find myself eating alone or in secret? 

-Do I eat past the point of being full regularly?

-Can I tell when I am full?

-Do I struggle with my self-esteem? Find myself struggling to say no?

-Do I struggle to stop eating? 

-Do I feel out of control when I eat, often followed by shame and guilt? 

-Do I feel numb after eating a large amount? Like my problems have momentarily dissipated? 

-Do I feel a need to compensate for the amount eaten after a binge to avoid weight gain by engaging in self-induced vomiting, laxative use, diuretic use, or overexercise? 

If you can answer yes to these patterns of behavior occurring weekly for at least three months, you may wish to explore a binge-purge eating pattern with a trusted health care provider for further assessment.

-Do I spend a lot of time reflecting on the appearance of my body? Does my opinion of my body impact the way I see myself and interact with others?

-Am I scared of gaining weight? 

-Have I recently lost a significant amount of weight? 

-Do I eat significantly less than others or not at all? 

-Do I spend a large portion of my time exercising? 

-Do others make comments on how much time I spend working out? 

-Do I feel that I take up too much space in the world, despite others telling me otherwise?

-Do I feel more in control of my life when I restrict my food intake?

-Do I feel badly about myself if I cannot do something perfectly?

-Is my hair thinning? Am I fatigued often? If I identify as female, has my menses been delayed or absent? 

If you can answer yes to these patterns of behavior occurring weekly for at least three months, you may wish to explore a restrictive eating pattern with a trusted health care provider for further assessment.

If you identify with any of the above patterns of behavior, but experience them less frequently than weekly, you may wish to explore a disordered eating pattern with a trusted health care provider. All patterns of disordered eating are destructive, complex, and very real, no matter which category you may identify with most. 

This holiday season, no matter where you find yourself, please know that you are not alone. Should you identify with any of these descriptions above, there is hope! Treatment is available, and our wholeness remains. Food is but a symptom of our emotional health. The more we can learn to speak the language of our own emotions, the less we will need food, or our relationship to it, to do it for us. Take heart, there is much healing to be had. May we all find spaces to visit our pauses throughout the season. You are oh so worth it.

About the Author:

Alisha Bashaw (she/her), MA, LPC, LAC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Addiction Counselor in the state of Colorado. She also serves as Khesed’s DNA Manager. Alisha has worked extensively in the treatment of eating disorders and addiction. She is passionate about helping people authentically live the lives they desire, holding space for mystery and wonder as each person's journey unfolds, and integrating mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health into a holistic wellness based-approach.

Holiday Eating, Part 1

We’ve all been there. You know the moment. That slight hesitation where your hand hovers atop whatever delicious holiday treat has suddenly appeared from, well, who actually knows where, before you pop it in your mouth. That split second where you realize you can’t remember the last meal you had that didn’t include a holiday goodie of some kind. That moment that brings the thoughts “I’ve already messed up today, I might as well have one more” followed closely by “I will start over again tomorrow.” Ahh, the holidays. The season of sugar and spice and all things nice, right? 

Perhaps? Or perhaps not. Perhaps the biggest gift the holidays bring is the vast array of emotions that swirl through each of our daily experiences. For some, joy and wonder fill their minds while for others sadness and heartache are more present. And for most, it is a mixture of all of the above and everything in between. For those who struggle with disordered eating, the holidays can bring an extra layer of difficult right alongside their Pumpkin Pie and Eggnog, cleverly disguised in all of that cheer.

Have you ever struggled with your eating patterns around the holidays? Have you fallen into the menacing thought loop of diet culture that perpetuates hanging your worth on what you put into your mouth and how hope lies in “starting again” tomorrow? If so, you are most definitely not alone. And, you definitely need not start anything over again tomorrow. Starting over implies that today is not enough. That today is somehow “wasted.” And you, friend, deserve more. Nothing has been wasted, nothing is lost, and in fact, the problem itself has nothing to do with food. 

For those who struggle with any sort of disordered eating pattern, I invite you to leave your current thought loops or plans regarding how to eat/not eat certain items for just a moment, and to meet me elsewhere. Somewhere less full of racing thoughts, to-dos, good foods and bad foods, future plans, overwhelming emotions, and judgements on, well, just about everything we think and say and do. Close your eyes for just a moment, and focus on what you can hear. Traffic? A ceiling fan? A family pet? Faint music? The voice of someone you love? Whatever it is, congratulations. You have successfully exited your thought loop for just a moment and entered “the pause.” 

Disordered eating can keep us in a surface-layer cycle of self-management thought loops based on following sets of self-created rules, negotiating actions based on our daily intake of calories, evaluating our self-worth based on our daily completion of tasks or set of arbitrary numbers,  and spiraling deeper and deeper into our shame stories should we land anywhere outside of perfection. Disordered eating can keep us busy, tired, and completely disconnected from our physical and emotional experiences. Especially around the holidays. So often food is used to express needs or feelings, and without space to explore either of those things, the thought loops continue. 

Perhaps the greatest gift we can give to ourselves this year is the gift of “the pause.” A pause that allows us a moment to clarify how we are feeling before engaging with others, before we engage with food. A pause that allows our full authenticity to be present, and our needs to be known. A pause that allows us to recognize our thought loops as we enter our days. 

With the pause comes awareness. It is not until we are outside of our patterned thought loops that we can begin to recognize their voices, their judgments and their attitudes from a slightly more distanced perspective. It is only then when we are able to see them for exactly what they are. Thoughts, not facts.

This holiday season, I invite you into a deeper experience. Into your emotions, into your body, and into your full experience. But mostly, into your pause. 

*Curious how certain patterns of disordered eating manifest themselves? Wondering about some warning signs of patterns of disordered eating, and what qualifies a pattern as “disordered?” Then stay tuned for next month’s continuation of this discussion with more specifics. Can’t wait a month? Call Khesed Wellness today to get connected with a therapist that can help. In the meantime, pause onward. 

About the Author:

Alisha Bashaw (she/her), MA, LPC, LAC is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Licensed Addiction Counselor in the state of Colorado. She also serves as Khesed’s DNA Manager. Alisha has worked extensively in the treatment of eating disorders and addiction. She is passionate about helping people authentically live the lives they desire, holding space for mystery and wonder as each person's journey unfolds, and integrating mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health into a holistic wellness based-approach.

Navigating Your Relationship With Food

There are so many components that help us to regulate our minds, bodies, and emotions. Attachment theory says that from cradle to grave the primary need of every human being is human connection. Beginning in early childhood, our attachment styles begin to develop based oftentimes off of our family’s attachment style.In the clinical world, counselors refer to there being four primary styles of attachment, which are anxious or ambivalent, avoidant, disorganized, and secure. When our need for human connection is not met in a way to provide a safe haven to come to when we feel emotionally vulnerable or a safe base to venture out into the world, we grasp for substitutes that will fill the void of that painful feeling of disconnection and fear.

Food can become this safe haven for many people since it is comforting, predictable, and oftentimes it will always there when you need it. These are the same qualities that we long for with the closest people in our lives. After time, however, it becomes evident to most people that food is not meeting their need for connection. This is one of the central themes that will be uncovered in the group that I will be running called Navigating Your Relationship with Food.

This October, I will be running a group for women from the ages of 20 to 40 years old who desire to find more freedom in their relationship with their food. There are many components that influence one’s relationship and patterns of eating such as self-esteem, body image, relationships, family history, and life circumstances. My hope is that this group provides a safe place for women to come and sort through what factors are complicating their relationship with food, themselves, and their relationships with others.

If you have had a diagnosable eating disorder in the past you are welcome; if you have never been diagnosed with an eating disorder you are welcome. The focus of this group is not how to heal from a diagnosable eating disorder, per se. It is rather to help you untangle the web of emotions and cognitions behind food and addressing those aspects rather than the eating itself. My hope is that women are able to find sustainable methods of connecting with themselves, with others, and with food and break out of the maladaptive patterns that have been formed. The tone of this group is welcoming, understanding, compassionate, and empathetic because has unhealthy habits and beliefs that they develop  to help them cope and survive. By the end of this group, I hope that you are no longer surviving in your relationship with food, but rather thriving!

About the Author:

Amy McCann, RP, Apprentice, is earning her Master of Arts in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Denver Seminary. She is open to seeing many types of clients of all age ranges. She is trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and desires to help couples strengthen their relationship. Amy earned her Bachelor of Science in Exercise and Movement Science from the University of Vermont, and desires to help her clients in a holistic way. She is passionate about people finding true freedom and healing in every area of life. Amy also has rich cultural experiences with living overseas and enjoys cross-cultural work with clients. Amy is originally from Boston, but loves living in Colorado with her husband. They enjoy hiking, fly fishing, playing games with friends, and eating ice cream. 

When Body Positivity Doesn’t Feel So Positive

When it comes to the topic of body image and eating disorder recovery, much conversation occurs around the concept of body positivity. In recent years, a movement has erupted from beneath the rigid body image expectations perpetuated by our culture to declare that “health” should no longer be automatically synonymized with “thin,” and we have begun to see a greater celebration of the various ways that bodies take size and shape. Instead of enslaving our bodies to harsh diets and punishing workout routines, an alternative approach has been offered to tell us that we can indeed celebrate the feats our bodies are capable of and honor them with nourishing foods and movement that we enjoy.

Many of the leaders in this movement are women who have been brave enough to push back against the unreasonable body image standards to which they have long been held hostage, and often in my work in the field of eating disorder treatment, I have suggested that the rest of us must join the work our sisters have started and begin to cultivate body positivity movements for men, racial minorities, and the LGBTQ+ community, as well.

I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge, however, that for those of us who have spent significant amounts of time at war with our bodies, the idea of such personal body positivity can seem nearly impossible. The notion may be good in theory, but after years of wrestling with body disgust and hatred, the concept of celebrating and loving our physical selves can feel like nothing more than a pipe dream. To you, my friend, I simply say: I get it. Body positivity does not always feel good and positive, and I know well that the way we feel about our physical selves does not always consist of celebration, warmth, or acceptance. If anything, the expectation that body positivity must be defined by these experiences can lead us into deeper guilt and shame about the actual, darker emotions we sometimes feel when we look in the mirror. The truth is, for some of us, practicing body positivity will at times be the most difficult, and least positive-feeling, thing we ever do.

I recently went through a difficult season in my life, and honestly, I did not feel very positive about my body during any of it. It was a season of hardship, filled with struggle, scarcity, hurt, and grief, and in an attempt to alleviate some of the pain, I turned back to a few of my most reliable and damaging numbing techniques. My body, in turn, adjusted with them.

I am well-practiced at criticizing my body for not being good enough and for changing in ways that I deem to be undesirable and unacceptable, and during this season, it took a lot of my energy to refrain from berating my body and myself for being human and imperfect every time I got dressed in the morning. It took additional energy to then refrain from engaging in even more damaging practices to compensate for its changes. The only body positivity I could muster during that time was an acknowledgement of the ways my body had agreed to hold my pain when the rest of me could not and choose not to actively criticize it or punish it for the way it had done so.      

In reality, body positivity doesn’t always, or sometimes ever, look like a celebration for all of the wonderful things our bodies allow us to do. Some days, body positivity instead looks like whispering to our physical selves through gritted teeth and tear-stained cheeks that despite the pain, the fear, or the disgust, we will choose not to do anything we know will cause them harm. Some days, it looks like nothing more than putting in the fight to ride out the wave of body distress without engaging in destructive, quick-fix ways out of the emotion, even if we know those ways will temporarily dull the pain. Some days, body positivity is desperately seeking out a glimmer of gratitude, no matter how small, that our bodies have endured our mistreatment, made space for our pain, and have kept us alive. And on those days, my friend, that is enough. 

Body positivity, in its truest form, is not always pretty, and it is certainly not always connected to any actual positive feeling. For some of us, loving our physical selves may feel futile or impossible, and yet, if there is even one small act of physical kindness that can get us through the difficult days, if there is even one time we can show our bodies appreciation instead of harm, the hope that inspires body positivity remains.

My dear friend, if you are afraid that celebrating your physical self is out of reach, I feel you. However, if you are also tired of waging a constant war against your body, I am with you. Let us begin the hard work of making peace with our flesh and bones together, and in doing so, discover that in the moments when we feel like celebrating our bodies least, even the smallest acts of physical kindness are cause for celebration, too.           

About the Author:

Zach Verwey, MA, LPC, NCC holds a Masters degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from a CACREP accredited program and is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Colorado. In his clinical practice, Zach has worked extensively with LGBTQ+ concerns, eating disorders, holistic sexual health, values and identity, and grief and loss, and he is Prepare/Enrich certified in working with couples. He is especially passionate about addressing the ways in which body image difficulties impact the LGBTQ+ community and regularly works with clients and provides education through writing and public speaking on this topic. Zach believes deeply in the power of interpersonal and intrapersonal relationship work in the therapeutic process, and offers a holistic and integrative approach that honors the mind, body, and spirit. In his spare time, Zach enjoys reading the memoirs of comedians who also happen to be women, experimenting with new bread recipes, and exploring Denver’s latest hot spots with a friend or two. 

Is “Fitspiration” Worthy of Aspiration?

Are you constantly looking in the mirror to see if you have lost that five pounds yet? Or always thinking about your next meal and whether it will fit in your diet regimen? Do you feel anxious if you haven’t completed your exercise routine? You are certainly not alone. Many women everyday wrestle with body image and obsessive patterns concerning food and exercise. Disordered eating is a very common issue for women.

There is a new trend on social media called “Fitspiration.” Many women will tag themselves after their workout or eating a healthy meal and tag #fitspiration on sites like Instagram and Facebook. Studies have shown that there are over 5.2 million pictures on Instagram with this hashtag (Holland & Tiggemann, 2017). This hashtag highlights women with a certain body type, which is unattainable for lots of women. It also does not highlight the health benefits of diet and exercise, but rather obtaining a certain appearance. This can lead to discouragement for women who don’t feel like they match these women's images and it can send them spiraling into unhealthy eating behaviors.

One study compared a group of women who posted photos of fitspiration with a group of women who posted pictures of travel who were both tested for behaviors of disordered eating and compulsive exercise. Even though the women who posted fitness pictures appeared healthier, they scored higher for patterns of disordered eating (Holland & Tiggemann, 2017). The women posting fitspiration photos also scored higher for compulsive exercise, which is associated with more extreme levels of exercise that can lead to fatigue, injury proneness and social withdrawal (Holland & Tiggemann, 2017). It appears that the women posting about fitness are motivated more by perfectionism (Goodwin, Haycraft, Willis, & Meyer, 2011) and the drive to obtain the ‘socially acceptable’ body image  rather for the benefits of health (Holland & Tiggemann, 2017).

Images like these and many other factors in life can encourage unhealthy behaviors of eating and working out. Changing these behaviors is not as simple as finding the will power. There are multiple levels of thought, will, and heart all at play. It takes time to determine where the depths of insecurity have originated and how to work through it. Please check in again as we continue to unpack this complex topic of disordered eating and ways that lead towards true healing and freedom.

continuing the conversation

There is a much needed conversation around women and disordered eating, where the questions of “how do I know when I am falling into patterns of disordered eating?” or “what drives me to habits of disorder eating?

If you or someone you know would like more help to navigate through your relationship with food, I would encourage you to check out our group called “Navigating Your Relationship with Food: From Disordered Eating Towards Recovery.” There will also be a part two of this blog that will delve deeper into the underlying dynamics behind eating disorders.

About The Author:

Amy McCann, RP, Apprentice, is earning her Master of Arts in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Denver Seminary. She is open to seeing many types of clients of all age ranges. She is trained in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy and desires to help couples strengthen their relationship. Amy earned her Bachelor of Science in Exercise and Movement Science from the University of Vermont, and desires to help her clients in a holistic way. She is passionate about people finding true freedom and healing in every area of life. Amy also has rich cultural experiences with living overseas and enjoys cross-cultural work with clients. Amy is originally from Boston, but loves living in Colorado with her husband. They enjoy hiking, fly fishing, playing games with friends, and eating ice cream.