It’s February. It probably feels like almost everyone around you is gushing about Valentine’s Day and love and all the goodness involved in relationships. While it’s great to celebrate love and companionship, this time can be rather challenging for those who find themselves in unhealthy or unfulfilling situations.
Being in a romantic relationship certainly has its benefits. When you find your person, life may seem easier because the good and bad times are shared. You have someone to lean on, to trust, to laugh with, and to lift you up. Relationships certainly take work. They require a level of dedication to oneself and to the other person. When healthy, the work and dedication feel worth it.
If you’ve ever been in an unhealthy relationship, the idea of being part of a couple may not sound too appealing. If you’ve experienced what it’s like to be in multiple toxic relationships, you may struggle to know how to be in relationship that’s healthy and uplifting. Before delving into something new and potentially harmful, it’s important to identify what you need and allow yourself to heal from your past.
Healing begins with realizing that your worth is not determined by your relationship status. It’s easy to compare ourselves to others, especially when we see so many curated examples of relationships on social media. We have been programmed to believe our self-worth is tied to whether we have a partner or not. Too often, people who choose to be single are viewed differently - and not necessarily in a good way. The truth is, just because someone is single doesn’t mean there’s something innately “wrong” with them. It can simply mean they’ve chosen to turn their energy inward and focus on their own needs for now.
It’s important to know the difference between choosing to be single and being single out of fear. Are you single because you want to focus on personal growth? Or are you turning away from potential partners in fear of ending up in another harmful or toxic relationship?
Your person will likely look and sound and behave a little (or a lot!) differently than you imagined. They will have some shortcomings. A great partner may not check every single box, and that’s okay. We’re all human; flawed, learning, growing, and changing. Whether you’re happily single or coupled up, there are some key characteristics you should look for in any healthy relationship:
Honesty & Accountability
Open Communication
Negotiation & Fairness
Economic Partnership
Shared Responsibility
Shared Power
Respect
Trust & Support
Non-threatening Behavior
Intimacy
Physical Affection
Personal Integrity
Learning to love yourself and building confidence in who you are and what you have to offer takes work, especially if you’ve been in an unhealthy relationship. You don’t have to do it alone. Are you ready to make a change? Do you want to improve your life and learn how to be in a productive and healthy relationship with yourself first?
Khesed is here for you. Our therapists would be happy to guide you on your journey to healing. We’re here to help empower you become a fuller, more secure version of yourself so you can truly enjoy life regardless of your relationship status.